suicide by tiny, tiny increments

I can never wach the movie High Fiedlity without feeling enough self pity to get drunk. As I am while I write this. I don't understand why, but it makes me feel bad enough about my own life and indecisions that it makes me drink.

Tonight the drink of choice is whiskey, Irish whiskey to be more specific but it doesn't matter. Of course my life is different, the happy ending I still haven't seen yet and I certainly do go through the "what does it all mean" phase in thirty minutes of cut scenes and montages.

Maybe I'm just too tired....maybe I'm just too indecisive to think to the future instead of thinking to the past.