The Surgery

The timeline of things is weird. I knew I had surgery coming this week. It wasn’t a total last minute deal. I had surgery Wed. morning. Had to be at the hospital at 6 AM for registration and it was an outpatient surgery so it went by quickly. I was home by lunchtime and things were as good as can be expected. From a medical standpoint the surgery went well. The thing was that my mind wasn’t really on the surgery itself but on losing Renell and my son. I hadn’t slept a full night since the Thursday before and she left the day before I went into surgery. I spend that day in a very bad place. But the day of the surgery I had nothing to do but sit around at home and think and meditate on the total sum of things. But honestly, when it came to thinking I spent the vast majority of my time thinking about her, thinking about us and about loss. And even thought I know that dwelling on that shit does nothing good, I still did it. I’m still doing it now.

The surgery, because I have been asked, was necessary becuase a year ago in early 2004, I had a cataract removed from my right eye. In place of the cataract and damaged lens they removed, they put in an implant lens, sort of like a contact lens, but inside the capsule left in the eye. That lens in my case has fallen out of the capsule and is thus out of place. While it's not as bad as the retinal detachments I've had in the past, it was still something to get fixed as quickly as possible.