Dinner with Ryen, progress???
I hadn't seen Ryen in about a month. Either schedules didn't mesh or I couldn't get a hold of Rennell to setup a time.
By the way, as an aside here, I noticed a lot of blogs shortening names to protect the innocent, so Ryen would become R. Unfortunately I have too many fucking R's in my family for that not to get confusing. I guess I could put R for Ryen and B for Bitch, but that just seems excessive.
Anyway, I finally had dinner tonight with Ryen. Went to some Italian place in Kunia so we could get some last minute stuff for school. He starts tomorrow so we picked up some clothes and shoes and last minute supplies and he got a new toy. We ran a little late so he fell asleep in the car back to his grandparents. Okay, so back on track. Dinner was good. I missed seeing him on a regular basis, even if I did bail from work about twenty minutes early today. Fuck it. I put in sixty + hours last week, I'm taking twenty minutes, kiss my ass.
After dinner, well actually on the car ride out to Ewa to her grandmother's house (insert bad Little Red Riding Hood reference here) and on the way back to drop me off at home Renell and I had one of the few good conversations I can recall us having in quite some time.
I'm still confused, but there's far less of a will to direct any negative energy at her. Don't get me wrong, I'm Japanese, we know how to hold a fucking grudge like nobody's business and we're crazy fuckers about that retribution shit too. Who else could come up with Ninjas? Honestly now. And I do still harbor a good deal of resentment, but I have less of a will, less of a desire to direct any negative energy at her. I had no problem being a total prick because, well, shit still hurt. But I guess I'm a pussy, or maybe just tired, or maybe I just don't give half a fuck anymore. Wait, that doesn't work, a fuck is a good thing. I don't give half a shit? Maybe that's better? How about half a used condom? That seems almost appropriate. Yeah, I'm still bitter. eh, fuck it.
But was there progress made? I don't know. I see in her now the same shortfalls, the same issues, the same frustrations. It's almost sad and certainly disconcerting to see her making similar misalignments. I have no real stake in her life anymore, save Ryen, I maybe that allows me to see it more objectively. Maybe it's just the passage of time. No, scratch that, I don't believe that bullshit for a minute. I'm probably just tired. And a wuss.
By the way, as an aside here, I noticed a lot of blogs shortening names to protect the innocent, so Ryen would become R. Unfortunately I have too many fucking R's in my family for that not to get confusing. I guess I could put R for Ryen and B for Bitch, but that just seems excessive.
Anyway, I finally had dinner tonight with Ryen. Went to some Italian place in Kunia so we could get some last minute stuff for school. He starts tomorrow so we picked up some clothes and shoes and last minute supplies and he got a new toy. We ran a little late so he fell asleep in the car back to his grandparents. Okay, so back on track. Dinner was good. I missed seeing him on a regular basis, even if I did bail from work about twenty minutes early today. Fuck it. I put in sixty + hours last week, I'm taking twenty minutes, kiss my ass.
After dinner, well actually on the car ride out to Ewa to her grandmother's house (insert bad Little Red Riding Hood reference here) and on the way back to drop me off at home Renell and I had one of the few good conversations I can recall us having in quite some time.
I'm still confused, but there's far less of a will to direct any negative energy at her. Don't get me wrong, I'm Japanese, we know how to hold a fucking grudge like nobody's business and we're crazy fuckers about that retribution shit too. Who else could come up with Ninjas? Honestly now. And I do still harbor a good deal of resentment, but I have less of a will, less of a desire to direct any negative energy at her. I had no problem being a total prick because, well, shit still hurt. But I guess I'm a pussy, or maybe just tired, or maybe I just don't give half a fuck anymore. Wait, that doesn't work, a fuck is a good thing. I don't give half a shit? Maybe that's better? How about half a used condom? That seems almost appropriate. Yeah, I'm still bitter. eh, fuck it.
But was there progress made? I don't know. I see in her now the same shortfalls, the same issues, the same frustrations. It's almost sad and certainly disconcerting to see her making similar misalignments. I have no real stake in her life anymore, save Ryen, I maybe that allows me to see it more objectively. Maybe it's just the passage of time. No, scratch that, I don't believe that bullshit for a minute. I'm probably just tired. And a wuss.
posted by rpalmeira | 11:28 PM
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