i don't dream
Not usually anyway. and if i do, they're disjointed, totally random. one minute i'll be riding a sheep ina a downhill slalom and the next, i'll be drinking chai with a mutated, half-sharon stone, half-dick cheney. I don't usually dream. but lately i've been dreaming quite a bit and usually about being miserable. which is weird right?
the nice thing about work and all the other extra crap is that it usually keeps me too distracted to feel lonely or bored, both of which would make the situation much worse. For whatever reason, when i sleep for more than an hour or two, i dream. and they tend to be dreams about losing her in different ways. When i'm concious it doesn't really faze me much and the more i think about it, the more i realize how bad of a person she is. but when i sleep, that loss and pain comes back. fucking crazy.
the nice thing about work and all the other extra crap is that it usually keeps me too distracted to feel lonely or bored, both of which would make the situation much worse. For whatever reason, when i sleep for more than an hour or two, i dream. and they tend to be dreams about losing her in different ways. When i'm concious it doesn't really faze me much and the more i think about it, the more i realize how bad of a person she is. but when i sleep, that loss and pain comes back. fucking crazy.
posted by rpalmeira | 11:12 AM
2 Comments:
You dream of "her"? Loss and pain? In truth, I did the same thing. I drowned myself in my work and things to do, but that didn't help to ease the pain when it came - usually at night, when I wasn't doing something. Is the same true for you? If that's the case, now's about the time when you should dust off those thoughts and delve deeply into fixing the problem. Don't get me wrong - work is great. It keeps you from thinking too much about what's bugging you - as does alcohol and other blankets. Unfortunately, your subconcious won't let you forget that there's something you have to deal with. I'd say that digging deep and finally solving the problem will help to eliminate the weird dreams and, eventually, your suffering. I love you lots and think about you daily. I hope, besides the insomnia (which could be a result of not dealing with various issues), you're doing well. Take care and write or call if and when you need something! Me :)
it's not even so much fixing the problem, it's a subconcious massochism (fuck i need spell check) and i realize that it is. There is nothing therein that makes any sense to dwell on. it's not even so much that i get caught up in work. I've got a bunch of other projects and things to do on the side that keep me busy. I label it all under work but the vast majority of it i certainly don't get paid for. i might as well have a sign that says "will work for food". One of these days though, i'm going to grow enough of a spine to put a posting on craigslist that says something to the effect of "will fix computers for sexual favors." I saw that one a few months ago, and it was damn funny. especially since the guy who posted it apparently got a ton of response. one of those "it's funny 'cause it's true" kind of things.
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