Some people drunk dial...
Today was a good day. It ended poorly. Insomnia and bitterness. While I should let the world flow around me, let the past be the past, I don't. Of the many flaws I have, holding a grudge is certainly one of them.
For whatever reason I'm still angry. I'd like to say I've moved beyond it, in many cases I have, yet I consistently find myself angry again. What sparked this was watching the news. The trial on the guy who shot Dan, one of the people who Renell cheated on me with was on the news tonight. I don't care so much as it drums up old bitterness. I enjoy the fact that she's having whatever complications she's having with the current pregnancy. Not so much relish in it. I just like thinking there's some sense of karma or universal justice for past wrongs. Certainly I've gotten smacked around for my fuckups in the past. Maybe it's just a strong sense of vindictiveness. Maybe it's just my own poor mental state. Whever. I like know people I dislike are going through shit. And yes, it's wrong but at this point, fuck like I care. I'm not even going to try to rationalize here. I don't give a shit if I'm wrong about it.
But overall today was a good day and that's what counts. I got a lot done. I still have a lot to do. Forward right, not backwards. The world twists in different ways. And much as I might like to believe stories with nice endings, life doesn't always bring them. I was talking with Maka a while back and came to the decision that life is pretty much any Mandy Moore move, 20 minutes before teh ending right as things have all gone to shit. Then again, who knows, maybe it's just a little longer than 20 minutes before things work out. At least you need to maintain that hope to move forward instead of dwell backwards.
For whatever reason I'm still angry. I'd like to say I've moved beyond it, in many cases I have, yet I consistently find myself angry again. What sparked this was watching the news. The trial on the guy who shot Dan, one of the people who Renell cheated on me with was on the news tonight. I don't care so much as it drums up old bitterness. I enjoy the fact that she's having whatever complications she's having with the current pregnancy. Not so much relish in it. I just like thinking there's some sense of karma or universal justice for past wrongs. Certainly I've gotten smacked around for my fuckups in the past. Maybe it's just a strong sense of vindictiveness. Maybe it's just my own poor mental state. Whever. I like know people I dislike are going through shit. And yes, it's wrong but at this point, fuck like I care. I'm not even going to try to rationalize here. I don't give a shit if I'm wrong about it.
But overall today was a good day and that's what counts. I got a lot done. I still have a lot to do. Forward right, not backwards. The world twists in different ways. And much as I might like to believe stories with nice endings, life doesn't always bring them. I was talking with Maka a while back and came to the decision that life is pretty much any Mandy Moore move, 20 minutes before teh ending right as things have all gone to shit. Then again, who knows, maybe it's just a little longer than 20 minutes before things work out. At least you need to maintain that hope to move forward instead of dwell backwards.
posted by rpalmeira | 1:45 AM
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