Status Check

My eye was itchy today. Every time I blink or close my eye, it feels, for lack of a better word, sticky. Not like there's sap or something on my eye, just that it sticks. It doesn't hurt but it's certainly uncomfortable.

But I can still putter around at home to do things and I can still get some work done on the computer, so I'm not totally out of the game. I've been racking up points on Experts-Exchange pretty well this month. On that, here's something odd. I did a job a few weeks ago, about two weeks before my surgery. The guy who's computer I fixed gave me a gift card to a steak house, a place I don't go to that often, so a very nice gift and $50 so enough for a dinner for two, maybe three people. My intention was that once I earned enough points to get a certificate on Experts-Exchange that I would take Renell and Ryen to dinner. I eanred enough points less than a week after she left me. Everything is too little too late.

It's hard to think that the past six years haven't just been a waste of my life. I am weaker for it. I am poorer for it. I am not emotionally stronger, mentally stronger, physically stronger for it. I've gotten a lot done, but nothing I couldn't have done quicker, and better without Renell. The only thing that I have gotten out of it is pain and disappointment. This doesn't make me stronger, it makes me damaged. That's all the past years have been damage.