Dreams and Getting Pasty

I fell asleep listening to the audio book of Free Culture this morning and had a strange, disturbing, very painful dream about Renell. Strange in the sense that I knew I was dreaming and kept going in it until I got to the disturbing and painful part at which point I promptly cut myself from the dream and woke up. Painful in the sense that it tells me I still have feelings. This needs to end. I need this to end. I need the closure there. It's like I'm damned if I do have her and damned if I don't. The dream ended after I 'caught her in the act' and the last line of the dream was her saying "I love you...but he fit me." Yes there's a double entendre there, yes I recognized it in the dream, yes it hurt for both meanings.

In the mean time, sitting around indoors all day, I'm getting pretty damn white. I need to get out more but there isn't really any place I can go or anything I can do so I'm not sure what options I have. At least not for the next week and a half. Time is such a fucker.

update: This afternoon fell asleep after listening to Morning Coffee Notes, had another odd dream. This time standing on a bus that I didn't need to get onto in the first place. I make a comment about UH sucking, the whole bus goes quiet, everyone gets angry at me. It was a clear message about feeling loney. Normally I would put about as much stock in Dream Interpretation as I would in Mexican Real Estate but this was pretty clear. Now I can't even dream. Shit this is just getting better and better.