The Need for Pain a.k.a. Shocking Myself Back Into Focus

I need to hurt right now. When I’ve previously gone through any hardship there were two remedies. Get lost in work, get lost in “us.” The “us” thing doesn’t work because this time, “us” is the cause and I’m pretty sure that I will end up getting lost in work; at least for some time. The problem is that I have a hard time functioning right now. As I noted before sometimes I forget to breathe. My thoughts linger on things they shouldn’t. Right now I need pain. I need clarity through pain and I’m not getting there. I hurt but it’s not enough to jolt me into focusing. I’m trying something new now that helps a little. Slowly count to ten. Let whatever pain is there do its work. Let the emotion flow and the heartbreak run its course for a slow ten count. It’s a temporary reprieve. There is a difference between the finality which I have come to accept and the pain I need to feel to be able to block the emotion. I need to go into shock so to speak. Just get hit with something hard enough to refocus my concentration. I don’t know how to do that. I just know I need to find it somewhere.