Out, About and Down

I've been cooped up too long in my apt. spent a little time today at the debate festival being held across the street at Punahou. I only judged the first round. It was good to get out just to not be at home. Home right now is just kind of depressing. When I'm here it seems empty and quiet. Plus there are a lot of memories here. There are obviously some bad, but oddly you don't focus on those when you consider loss, you focus on the good ones. It's enough to drive a person nuts.

Spent too much time thinking again today. I'm starting to get back into the groove of work, but it's mostly just distraction from thinking rather than actual work. I guess for now it's just trying to put some time between myself and being left. I don't now if time will heal, but it will hopefully dull the pain and disappointment.

It's odd what you find painful or what things can trigger memories and emotions. Totally random things can trigger the deepest of feelings over a seemingly small connection to what is gone. That's just one of the hard parts I suppose, not knowing what will trigger what type of reaction. That makes it harder to move on I suppose, but I'm starting to be a bit more callused to the whole thing. It sort of comes and goes. It's hard not knowing what will set off a reaction of loss or wave of emotion.