The Return...Short Version

This is now the third day back since the surgery. It has been tumultuous. I've got way too much to catch up on and I still can't focus my mind. Talked to Renell last night, far to long for either of our own good.

What it comes to is this: in my mind, I need to understand why the "us" wasn't worth the effort to stick it through the hard times. I understand and accept that it wasn't, isn't and never will be, but I would like to know why. She has decided that there is no easy answer and so refuses to address the question. That I should simply accept the lack of an easy answer doesn't help. We truly are different people, but different people who used to be able to stick it through the difficulties because we once thought the end result would be worth it. Why did that change? I don't know. But until I can figure that out, or until I can be painfully shocked back into reality, I'm just driving myself insane and my head is in all the wrong places.

Had a test yesterday that I walked out of and 30 seconds later remembered I made a stupid mistake. Have a test today that I'm dreading. Have lots of work to get done and clients that I haven't seen in nearly a month. Too much to do, not enough time and no concentration, that is, in short, my return.