Tues. was a Small Step in The Right Direction

I had something of a good day yesterday (Tues.). I had to talk to Renell to schedule stuff with Ryen and figure out some of the support finances but better than that we had a short talk that, even though it didn’t help me a fucking bit, I managed to get through without losing it. There is something valuable in that. I guess what I got out of the discussion was the knowledge that I could have that type of talk and still retain composure. I still haven’t gotten, nor will I get (at least anytime soon) the closure that I really want, but at the end of the talk she said she felt a little better, so maybe she’ll take it out a little less on me when we have to talk in the future. There’s something deeper that she hates about me that still has yet to come out, but it’s a slow process. It’s honestly a lot like therapy, but I’m not getting paid, nor do I derive any other benefit from it other than maybe just a better mood from her and less bitchiness in the future.

The crux of the issue is the same as it always has been: trust, effort and appreciation. The trust more on my part, the effort for both of us and her not appreciating the things that were done. It’s an odd trinity of sorts, but one that eventually ruined what could have been a future. In the near term, there’s a piece I’ve been working on that details this a bit more, and tries to explain our failure in terms of the seven deadly sins. When I have time, I’ll finish it and put it up. For right now. I’m off to sleep for an hour or so. If I could, I would tell someone to wake me at the end of December.