The funny thing about forgiveness

The funny thing about forgiveness is that it's not so fucking funny. Much as you might try to forgive, try will yourself to forgive, you don't get to make that decision. It happens of it's own accord. On its own time table. You don't have a conscious say. At some point you just pass out drunk after a bottle of port and wake up having forgiven the sins of the past.

It's the craziness of religion that the prayer recited mindlessly by so many should remind us to forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us. And it's sad that even those who would recite the words have no control over who, what when, where and why they may both forgive and be forgiven.

I don't pray, but if I did, I would pray the sins of my life are washed away and I pray, I would pray, that I am allowed to forgive those who have sinned against me. Either that or I pray I can find enough port to silence the cries.

Motivation and I'm fucking tired

I had originally scheduled a week vacation at the begining of October. Which would mean I'd be flying back to Honolulu tomorrow. Cancelled it for work. Oh well.

Now I've got it rescheduled for the 21'st. Which is just bloody fucking great because I expect that going a month later will mean warmer weather .

I guess I'm just tired. It's been pretty busy lately. Crazy busy. I'm about a month behind on the documentation I should be writing. And like a month behind on installs. And like a month behind on everything. Which I guess isn't bad, considering, it's just frustrating to think that I could probably work 24/7 from now until the rescheduled vacation and still be behind.

How the hell is that supposed to be motivating? In what possible fucking world is a month of work motivation to actually work harder. shit like I know. I'm going to get a glass of scotch.