My Recovery and Other Things You Don't Care About

The steps and stages in my recovery from surgery and the end of a six year relationship that resulting in my wonderful son

Name:
Location: Around. Honolulu mostly., Hawaii, United States

I'm an insomniac. It leads to a number of different, interesting things.

Sunday, April 30, 2006

one more sleepless night

It's a little after three again, and I'm still awake. Not even sure why. I slept a little today which I suppose has something to do with it. but largely I guess things are just scrambling in my head again.

I want to say something pithy about loyalty, but nothing good is coming to my mind. I guess I'm just disappointed by the lack of loyalty, across the board, in nearly every facet of my life. Not that I should be surpised. It's been a recurring theme over the years.

It's been six months since the surgery. medically, I think I'm okay. It's also been six months since Renell left. In many ways I'm much better off, but I think mentally, I'm still off base. I'm still depressed....maybe that's not the right word. I'm still pained, I think is a better term. I guess because it wasn't a clean cut.

When you look at things through the bottom of a bottle of wine, you begin to wonder what you're looking for. I'm still at that point. What the hell am I looking for? What the hell is the point? There is no honor left.

Wednesday, April 26, 2006

3 AM

It's 3AM again, and I'm still awake. That' not entire appropriate though, since I did sleep for about an hour tonight. Not sure why I can't sleep. Honesly I want a drink, but if I start drinking now I'm either going to sleep through work or be drunk at work, neither of which is good, the latter of which can easily get me fired.

I guess I'm just feeling disturbed. No particular reason. Just depressed.There's a nagging feeling in the back of my head that I'm forgetting something but I don't know what it is.

On the plus side, I finally found my voice recorder which means I can leave myself notes again. So at least I know that going forward I'll remember things....so long as I remember to bring my recorder.

There are a bunch of sick people at work. I started to get a runny nose today. I guess I'm worried about being sick took. I've been taking Airborne since lunch. That shit is expensive for what amound to vitamins that taste like old tang. Hopefully the stuff works though. I'd better not get sick.

I'm sure the insomnia doesn't help things. Fuck

Sunday, April 23, 2006

Popular Science

There's an interesting article in the April 2006 issue of PopSci. Honestly I read PopSci because somehow I get it for free. Either that or I was drunk when I ordered it and I don't remember. Either way, I didn't consciously pay for it, so go figure. The article was about aquaculture and in particular, the fish farms that are popping up in Hawaii. I had enough coffee that I was even motivated enough to write a response. Which I sent to the author and editor :) So even though it doesn't much matter, here it is, sans the two footnote references. One to an Al Franken piece about a pig-shit geyser and another to a picture of a nabeta. Ah, what the hell, I'll even copy those in at the end.

I just finished reading Osha Gray Davidson's article The Farmer Goes to Sea and am disturbed by the enthusiastic support for the ways in which these farms operate.

I grew up along the Kona coast. More importantly, I grew up fishing along the Kona coast. In the past decades the developments on land has significantly impacted the ocean that surrounds these islands. Adding direct intervention in the form of aquaculture only accelerates the problems associated with rapid development. The operation of Kona Blue's farms have changed migration patterns of local fish, your own accounts of the sharks around the cages attest to that; and the full consequences of aqua-farming are poorly understood.

Reflect on what was reported in the article, that massive amount of fish requires concentrations of food and produces concentrations of waste far beyond what occur naturally. Consider what happens when you have commercial pig farming on land. How much waste that produces and how, when mishandled[1], that waste can cause significant damage to the land. Now what makes you think aqua-farming will be any different for the ocean?

The development of farmed moi off of O'ahu follows much the same suit. The limited capacity of the farms now shows that they are more "proof of concept" than long term solution. To scale to the levels necessary for even the state of Hawaii to sustain its own consumption would take much more than what is currently available or, in the long term, sustainable. I can go into a grocery store on O'ahu and buy a can of wahoo (what Hawaiians call ono) that's just like your normal can of tuna except that it tastes better and, the fish is commercially caught and packaged in Samoa. I can go into a restaurant in Honolulu and order some delicious mahimahi. That fish will almost always be imported from the south pacific or Mexico. If I walk into the grocery store and buy a pound of tako (octopus) or white crab, it typically will come from India or China.

All of this tells us two things. First that the demand for seafood does exist and the demand will be met. Do I see the need for more locally produced food? You bet? Is it going to come from these farms? Probably not. It would have been interesting for you to report on where the demand is coming from though. The current proposal to raise ahi (yellowfin tuna) off the Kona coast isn't to fill local markets. That fish is earmarked for Japan where people will pay top dollar for the best sushi. A significant portion of the hamachi (yellowtail) shown in your article, will follow the same fate. It is one thing to exploit the natural waters of Hawaii to feed the people of Hawaii, it is another thing entirely to promote a destructive process so that a few farmers can charge top dollar to foreign consumers.

I will remark, more as a personal note than anything else, that I have bought exactly one (1) of the farmed moi. I regularly eat fish. As it happens I ate a nabeta (peacock wrasse)[2] for dinner tonight. By comparison the farmed moi tasted like a slice of stale wonder bread. I am thankful to have access to this beautiful ocean and the gifts it provides. Farmed fish are like the Christmas sweaters from your mother in law that hides in the back of a closet.

I understand the economic motivation behind it. People will demand fish, and as the natural stocks are depleted some means of meeting this demand will be necessary, but to look at aquaculture as though it is either sustainable or inconsequential to the environment is simply incorrect.

The World Bank regularly studies the indirect economic costs associated with development and they regularly find that environmentally exploitive development have far more significant long term costs. Want to provide water to New York for decades to come? Preserving the natural water in the Catskills is significantly cheaper than building a processing plant capable of handling that output. Our natural coral reefs and the marine life they support are the same. Long-line commercial fishing, destruction of coastal reefs and over-fishing allowed by lax monitoring and laughable regulation of commercial industries do not consider the long term costs of their actions, but as people dependent on the ocean, we should.

And just so you don't think I'm being too harsh here, I understand the need to grow food. And what's more, I appreciate a good sushi. It's just that this isn't growing food, it's exploiting natural coastline for little more than greed and a piece of sushi. At that point, why not start marketing Soylent Green.
[1] http://skeptically.org/gov/id11.html
[2] http://filaman.ifm-geomar.de/Summary/SpeciesSummary.php?id=5613

Thursday, April 13, 2006

dreaming

I just woke up from a very weird dream. I don't normally dream. I don't normally wake up. This was disturbing enough for me to do both. The oddest part: as I was dreaming, I could hear Nightline in the background, which was playing on the TV when I passed out.

Congrats to Kory Kim, even if she is stupid. And in all reality, that's what prompted the dream. That doesn't make it any less disturbing. SERIOUSLY goddamn disturbing.

I think all it's telling me is to drink more wine and remember to turn off the tv before i go to sleep. At least I hope so.

Sunday, April 09, 2006

sleep

finally got some rest yesterday. I got back from the interp events day at about 5. all i had to do was walk across te street which was nice. so i got home dropped my shit on the floor and went to sleep until almost 10. basically i slep through the awards thing. i caught someone online after and apparently kam did pretty good. a few kids going to nationals. the policy team i was helping a bit took second, but they're still going....if i remember correctly it's in texas

after the nap i was up catching up on some other stuff until about 2AM and then went to sleep. I woke up about from that about half an hour ago. i'm still pretty groggy but at least i'm feeling rested again.

twelve hours is enough time for some crazy dreams. they're still there, fading slowly, but you lose those details as the minutes pass. i think i'd like to get some good dreams soon. maybe that means i should sleep more.

monday starts a new week at work and a new product development manager to spread the work out to. that'll be nice. work is going pretty well. not much else going on.

Saturday, April 08, 2006

Congrats to my debater kids for not being total fuckups

At least it wasn't a waste of time.

speech events start in about.....fuck.....Four and a half hours. Hopefully all goes well with that too.

you're on your own for natl's guys, my services are no longer necessary. Cheers and congratulations. I shall drink a glass of whiskey in your honor.

Tuesday, April 04, 2006

speech

the state tournament for speech is this week which means i'm spending every evening until some crazy ass hour at kam, and still going to work every day as well. it's the nutty fucking schedule again. yay. oh well, at least it offers some distraction. lately i've been feeling like shit. the day to day stuff is good, it stops me from thinking about things. thinking is bad mmmkay.

i've got multiple debate cases to go over and some oratory stuff to help with and other random tasks. i think my ability and role in this is being rather overblown though. both by the students and by the coaching staff. oh well, at least i get a few free meals out of it.

not much else going on other than that. the fain finally stopped which is nice.