can't sleep again

It's almost 4 AM. I still can't fall asleep. Random things on my mind I suppose. Guess I'll try again.

Gerald Ford died today. At least he outlived Reagan. Not sure why that's in my head right now. either. Oh well.

I guess I should try to get some sleep. Supposed to be up at 630.

looking and finding and waiting and I need goddamn coffee

Everybody looks for love as thought it's some nirvana or the goddamn holy grail. And while we're looking for it, we wnd up being fate's bitch. In any given city, there are million people all swimming through life like fish in a tank, wandering in circles just trying to get by without being eaten. Then you bump the right person, turn the right corner or pick up the wrong cup of coffee and the random tides take you where you should go. But do we look? or do we sit back and let fate decide? Do we swim agains the current or flow with it?

I for one have given up swimming upstream. I'm goddamn tired. I've resigned myself to letting someone else pull the puppet strings. Bad enough to worry about the big fish ready to swallow you whole. I can't deal with the rest of it right now.

Early meeting tomorrow morning. I either need to go to sleep in the next few minutes or make a pot of coffe and tough it out until morning. I wonder what infomercials are on at 4 AM?

broken jalosies

Went out this evening to get dinner only to realize right after i left that i left the keys in the little pastic dish by the door. fucking a. so i go back figure, i'll break in, get the keys and go. i do my normal thing and slip the jalosies out of place to unlock the door. i get in and going to put one back i break one of them. great. so now there's glass on the ground. well at least i have the keys. so i cleaned up the glass replaced the broken pane with one of the extras i have from when the AC got put in and get everything all nice again. now i don't feel like going to get dinner. screw it, i'm staying here and eating a saimin or something, it's fucking windy outside. but i do have the keys.

way late....

It occurs to me that there's a great deal I haven't written about that has occurred in the last few months. Some good, some bad.

In Oct. I was in Nebraska. Good steak, generally nice people, mediocre Chinese good but good calzone. Fucking cold. It was a nice trip though.

Works' been busy, nothing new.

Some friends of mine are moving away soon. One to Indiana, a couple to Vegas, one to Seattle (I think) and one to San Jose to take the goddamn job offer I had. But I'm not bitter ;) Actually I wish all of the people moving well. If I had to choose...I don't know. Someplace warm.

I've continued the bad habits like insomnia and smoking both of which I know are bad. I'm fairly sure they're stress related which means work related.

and lastly, I've started a project to take the hundreds of CD's of crap that I have, old PDF documents, file backups, MP3's, etc. and I'm finally putting all that stuff onto external hard drives. It's taking forever. And I probably need to buy another (or maybe just a larger) hard drive.

Not sure what else happened. Mostly because I haven't slept since Friday and I'm kind of tired. At this point, I'm amazed I can type straight.

passing

My grandmother passed away a little before Thanksgiving. The funeral service was this past weekend. I was a small service. Held at the beach and her ashes were spread in the ocean. I'm pretty sure it's littering or some shit, but it was her wish. It was good to see everyone again. Amazing what it takes to bring people together sometimes. We spent the day there. Got to look through a bunch of old photos and stuff. I guess this seems like a kind of dry entry but I don't know what else to say here. It was almost, and this seems like a sad thing to say, a relief to know she's at peace now instead of stuck in a nursing home, lying in a bed all day. I don't know. Mixed reaction I suppose.

Sometimes you just miss out on the best chance to call someone a douchebag to their face when they fucking deserve it

So a friend of mine living in the Midwest had an interesting experience at a restaurant this past week. And as much as I should be writing about other stuff (or fucking sleeping), this experience (and three cups of coffee and a cigarette) got me wondering how I would have reacted to the situation. Probably would have gone something like this.....

"Madam, we have hear you out with excessive patience and have tolerated your abusive behavior, but now it's time for you to leave. these young people are students, she is their teacher. It's one of the noblest professions in the world and highly deserving of your respect. And I'd be willing to be far more valuable than whatever slurpee machine you're running.

I've worked with the military and to dispense such prejudice and hatred denigrates the military as much as it denigrates these fine young men who haven't done anything to you except exude outstanding patience at your harassment and stupidity. If you believe that we have in some way offended you then I apologize, it wasn't intentional so be the better person and walk away.

Your misdirected attacks are an injustice to the rights, freedoms and privileges this country provides and those who protect it, and it's time for you to leave. So,

I'm going to give you to the count of two, because the crap you're spewing now doesn't deserve three. At that point I will have a manager remove you, and if he doesn't do so, I'll do it myself.

one....

two..."

then shit pretty much breaks out into chaos. Because bullshit shouldn't be tolerated. Especially not bullshit from stupid people. Probably why I don't keep very good friends for very long.

loss, memories, etc.

Everyone experiences loss. It is the good memories and the hope that perpetuate us.

Lots of things jumbling around in my head right now. Nothing much else I want to say.